I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
