Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
