cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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