Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
