I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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