i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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