You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
