the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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