1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
