i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
