I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
