I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
