grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
