based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
