Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
