talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
