whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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