I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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