What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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