You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
