Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
