So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
