pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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