one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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