he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
