Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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