eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
