lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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