Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
