Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
