She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
