going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
