im about as happy as oj after his trial
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
