The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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