Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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