i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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