Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
