you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
