I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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