I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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