Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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