That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
