You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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