I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Randomize
