Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
