Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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