Banned from zoo.
Again?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
