Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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