I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
