she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
