I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
