After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
