My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
