another moral hangover. fuck.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
